My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
