Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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