ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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