It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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