just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
