i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
