I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
