i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
