i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
