Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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