i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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