i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
