The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
