So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
