It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
