I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
