but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
