DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
