and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
