boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
