i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
