Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
