can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
