I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
