So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
