i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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