I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
