3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
