what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
