i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
