I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
