All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
