the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
