So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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