By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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