don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
