I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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