I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
