Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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