We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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