Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
