Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
