ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
