I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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