My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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