When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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