how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
