i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
