You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
