well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
