i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
