she was so not down for the gang bang
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
